"My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today." - Richard Adams
You may not want to read this one, it's not about the movie per se, but it is something I have to relate.
On Thursday, May 26, 2011 at about 6:00 PM, I lost my best friend and partner in crime, Toes. My cat. I think I've mentioned on this blog before that she'd been diagnosed with lymphoma back last October, and though they had operated to remove the tumor, it was likely only a matter of time. I thought that fact would help prepare me for when the day came. It didn't.
The tumor on her forehead had come back over the past month, and over the past week, her eye had swollen shut. I woke up yesterday basically knowing it was time. Her behavior had changed and she'd started hiding out in the basement. Pretty much the ONLY cue a cat will give you that they are in pain. So when I took her to the vet yesterday evening, I was not surprised to hear him in agreement with me that it was time. I said, "Just do it." I kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her, and that was pretty much it.
I was fine for a while. But by last night I was not fine, and here it is Friday afternoon and I'm still FAR from fine. So I wanted to write this, to say as much as I could about what Toes meant to me. She was the reason I named my LLC "T-Cat Productions" and she's now my logo for the company, but there was so much more.
I had Toes for 11 years. She was really small, I called her Toes because her toes were so tiny. She talked to me and I talked to her. She rode around the house on my shoulders. Every single all-nighter I ever did for the film, she was there by my side. Or rather, getting in front of the monitor and interfering. She chattered at birds, and she loved eating yogurt. She either slept under the covers with me or in the crook of my arm, and would get so excited to know it was bedtime so she could cuddle. She was also just getting good with Maddy, my 5-year old daughter, to the point that she'd sleep on her too. She had no interest in escaping the house.
Here's a video of her I took while making the Hustream video presentation:
Note how she looks in the appropriate place where the action buttons would later be, and give you a direct look at just the right time. Yes, Toes had screen presence, she did, she was a natural!
And now she's gone and I wasn't prepared for how hard that is. I know I'll get through it, and she deserves some grieving, but right now there's a big empty hole in my life. I'll miss her. I wish I could have had her for another 5 - 10 years, even though I know it wouldn't have made saying goodbye any easier. I will never forget her.